Best Diet Ever


Are you ready for this?  Best diet EVER, folks.  First, you run out of the house in the morning to make it to the landlords office before running to meet Jesse’s coworkers to go for a visit to the foreign bookstore.  It’s important for the diet’s effectiveness for it to be 90 degrees F with 60% humidity.  The landlord says they will send a plumber “after noon”.  Oh yes, also it’s necessary to have a broken toilet.  And also, remember your wacked out bowels?  After half an hour at the bookstore (yes, there were foreign books there, it was great), you leave so you can have time to navigate the subway to get back by noon and maybe find a western toilet somewhere so you may…use it.

You find a toilet (incidentally, it is at a coffee shop with blended coffee, so you have a nice, cold, expensive drink for the way home – for maximum weightloss, skip this step), and also find the subway, trying on very cute shoes on the way.  Once home, and very sweaty, you wait, look at clock, wait, think about thirst, wait, think about peeing, and wait.

Then the guy comes, spends 5 minutes cursing at toilet and leaves, giving you instructions in Chinese which you don’t understand.

Then more people come, they don’t speak English but they do put in the ADSL (internet!  At home!  This is me right now, complaining to you from home!) and ask you to “please stay” for the water guy.  He comes and they also bring me a key to the washing machine, which doesn’t work, so they say they will be coming back (“please stay”) to fix it.  Also they have said 1st that plumber didn’t have time so don’t use toilet until tomorrow.  Jesse (assisting by phone) says, no, we cannot wait and have no toilet.  Next they say, don’t use it now, but wait for 4 hours.  You nod and say OK, but you know 4 hours is too long.

At this point, it is 3pm and you have nothing to eat in the house.   You bladder is full, your stomach (read “colon”) really hurts and it all just about sucks.  It may be an effective diet, but I don’t recommend it.

A lot has been taken care of so far this afternoon, but I am totally too busy feeling sorry for my hungry, sick, hot self to appreciate it.  Bah.


One response »

  1. Sorry so many belly issues. This last time I went to Mexico for some strange reason I didn’t get sick. Maybe since it was my 2nd time I am used to the bugs now!!
    What a adventure. It is fun to read but I can’t imagine a broken toilet is any fun. That would do me in. I hope by the time you read this live is more settled. At least the bellies anyways.

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