Freaking Out


Ugh.  Oof.  I never thought it could be this difficult to bend over.  Jeez.  I’m about 2.5 weeks from the big due date and all’s well inside the uterus, I just wish all were well inside my head.  Last night I freaked out. I fell asleep on the couch but once I got in to bed, couldn’t sleep. I obsessively thought of all the things I don’t have yet for taking care of this baby. Ahhhhh!  I imagine when you are sent home from the hospital, you don’t exactly feel up for running to the store to get diapers and wipes and…what else? Ahhhhh! I don’t even know what I need!

What goops and toiletries do a baby (or a new mom) need? I don’t have a stroller or a baby carrier. Am I going to be able to leave the house? Do I need a bath tub or is a kitchen sink OK? Do I need to stock up on convenience foods so we have something to eat? Do I need nipple cream? A breast pump? How many blankets? How many quarters for laundering the 2 blankets I have?

The house is a mess.  There are still boxes and suitcases everywhere and it’s nearly impossible to unpack as there are no surfaces to put things on or drawers to put things in.  We have a bunch of boxes of stuff, but none of our furniture.  Ahhhhh!  *freaked out*

Anyway.  The baby’s doing fine.  The acrobatics are beyond cool and well into scary, as it’s now less of a delicate kick here and there and instead full on slow and alien stretches and jerks.  There is no descending of baby or any other signs that it could come anytime in the next, oh, month.  I’m terribly uncomfortable standing around, sitting upright in a chair is only slightly better.  In fact, I’m only OK if walking or sofa-lounging.

So.  That’s what’s going on!  Freaking out and uncomfortable.  I’m going to swallow my pride and go ahead and mention that if anybody is feeling hugely generous and pitying our poor confused-new-mom/24-hours-a-day-grad-student lifestyle and wants to buy anything for our baby, we do have an Amazon registry thingy and Momm has our address.

And also, I miss you all.  It’s been really nice to get to know Berkeley, but I haven’t gotten to know any people and I am totally serious when I say Jesse studies from 8am to at least 8pm and I’m beginning to realize I have no one to talk to.  Jeez – poor, poor me.  This whole email has been a personal pity-fest.  I hope no one reads my journal anymore.


One response »

  1. Oh Amy!!! Don’t worry, I know it’s hard. I remember running to the store and buying diapers and wipes just days before Daniel was born :). THe good news is, the baby bjorn we gave you should fit the baby right away so you will be able to go out :). Also, If Erin has room I can send the stroller with her so you will have that too! And if you needed to, those size two diapers will be big on a new one, but they will still work. And they give you a few diapers in the hospital too and samples of diaper cream and baby wash and lotion. You’ll have what you need for the first little while. And you can always give us a call if you just want to talk. Hope that helps calm the nerves a bit… WE LOVE YOU!
    Love Melissa and Leif
    Oh, also if you decide you want a tub we have one and I did dig out the breast pump too…

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