A long day


It was a bit of a trying day today. I woke up with a headache that followed me around all day. And I was just feeling tired. But Ellie was having none of that, and wanted me at my peak performance all day. She was almost as grumpy as I was. Maybe she was tired and headachy, too. Her naps were short and she was hard to get to sleep.

She and I met up with Linsey and Erica, on their way down to Cayucos for the week. We walked a short trip around some shops, looking at all the cute stuff we couldn’t afford, and then they went on their way down to bask in some sunshine and soak in the quiet. I found myself envying them their quiet, carefree, single girl lives.

Then I came home, wrestled more with her little grumpiness to get her to eat and/or sleep, before Jesse and I took off on a long walk. And of course, she fell asleep just as we were about to get back in the car and go home for a nap and nursing. So instead we let her nap while we walked all around the lovely neighborhood we were in. By the time we decided to give up and get back in the car, she had slept for more than an hour and not eating in 4 hours. So she ate furiously and angrily once we got home. Twice.

Then, Jesse and I determined that a trip to Safeway would really make our evening and morning much nicer, so, seeing as she’d just napped and just eaten (twice), I took off on my own to the grocery store. I left feeling carefree, “ha, ha! A baby-less trip to the grocery store! How exciting!”, until I’d walked not 10 steps and found myself instead thinking, “oh, but my baby! My identity, I’ll miss her! Nobody will know I’m a mom. What if she needs me?” Sigh. I am my own contradiction.


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